The Best Fucking Chocolate Chip Cookie

Hey kids. 

This is a guest post. I'm Karen's daughter-in-law, Hillarie. Her youngest son, Gabriel, and I live in Michigan with our one year old kitten, Jelly. (No, we don't have any kids. Why do you keep asking?) I'm here to share the greatest cookie you've ever had in your life. It's a family recipe, and even though I don't really want to share it with you, everyone deserves to have one of these. 

Here's what you'll need:

• 3/4 Cup granulated sugar
• 1 Cup packed brown sugar
• 1 Cup of unsalted butter
• 1 Tbsp. REAL vanilla extract
• 2 eggs, slightly beaten
• 3 Cups All-Purpose flour
• 3/4 tsp. Baking soda
• 3/4 tsp. salt
• 1 bag of semi-sweet or dark chocolate chips

Directions:

• Preheat oven to 350 degrees
• In large bowl, combine the white and brown sugars. Add butter and cream together
• Add vanilla and eggs, mixing well
• In separate bowl, sift flour, baking soda, and salt together
• Add dry mixture to creamed mixture
• Mix well, dough will be stiff
• Add chocolate chips
• Line cookie sheet with parchment or wax paper
• Using a small ice cream scoop, drop dough onto cookie sheets
• Bake 10-12 minutes
• Makes 2-3 dozen... depending on how much you eat first​

Long-winded Photo Directions:

• Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit     

• Get all of your ingredients together. Make sure you put everything in a separate bowl just like Giada "Big Head/Perky Tats" Laurentiis on the Food Network. Everything tastes better when it was in a separate bowl first!! Because you're making cookies, and because IT'S NOT YOUR FUCKING TURN TO DO THE DISHES, make sure you use as many bowls as possible.

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• Cream the butter and sugars together until fluffy. I mean really cream that shit together. Fun fact: In Jeffrey Steingarten's book "It Must Have Been Something I Ate", he extensively discusses the perfect chocolate chip cookie, and insists that they must be made with both light and dark brown sugar for complexity and texture. 

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• Add slightly beaten eggs and vanilla

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• Mix dry ingredients together well. No one wants a baking soda dumpling! 

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• Add dry ingredients to wet ingredients slowly. Or just dump it in the mixer and get covered in flour. Completely up to you!  Note: Dough will be stiff.

• Now it's time to add your chocolate chips! It's best to do this part with a wooden spoon. Make sure your chips are semi-sweet or dark as only heathens and animals eat milk chocolate.

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• Use a scoop to arrange on a cookie sheet prepared with parchment paper. About every fourth scoop or so, pop some cookie dough into your mouth because YOU DESERVE IT, and because you have no self control.

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• Bake cookies for 10-12 minutes.

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• Attempt to wait until cookies are cool before pouring yourself some milk, or just say 'fuck it' and burn the roof of your mouth like I always do. The world is your oyster!

Cakeology by Karen

These are some cakes I've made over the years.